The Animal Hour
by some stuff
Summary: "Welcome to this first edition of The Animal Hour, my name is Ian Papov, but everyone calls me Mr. McFearless, today we'll go on a journey to learn about some of the most dangerous and unpredictable animals on earth" Ian just can't help but piss his teammates off. Mini-series.
1. Chapter 1

… I should be doing homework right now, but I just couldn't resist /:

 **I do not own Bayblade ):**

The camera began to film and slowly focused on the back door of the Blitzkrieg Boy's house, before the image changed to a teenager's face whose deep crimson eyes were sparkling with mischievousness.

"Welcome to this first edition of The Animal Hour, my name is Ian Papov, but everyone calls me Mr. McFearless" he wiggled his eyebrows proudly before turning the camera to the side so it was facing the door once again.

"Today we'll go on a journey to learn about some of the most dangerous and unpredictable animals on earth" The brave cameraman slowly opened the door to show a long hallway that lead to the wilderness people called the living room.

He laid down the floor and started to crawl through the hallway to cross it.

"We must be as quiet as a professional ninja on a mission, since the specimens we're looking for can be extremely temperamental when disturbed" The young adventurer whispered while he crawled further down the hallway.

"I know what you think, this is really dangerous and I'm the bravest man ever. But let me assure you, I've been trying to decipher these beasts for as long as I can remember, I can even _sense_ when they're on the proximity. I guarantee you, I won't get caught-"

"Ian" A voice was heard from the proximity making him to freeze on the spot.

" _We've been spotted! We've been spotted!_ "Mr. McFearless panicked in a whisper while the image on the camera abruptly turned to the side, showing a tall, blond man standing in the middle of the stairways. " _We mustn't move, he may attack us_ " He warned his audience with the most quiet of voices he could muster and stared directly at the person's eyes.

…

"…What are you doing?" Spencer raised an eyebrow questioningly, seeing Ian sprawled on the floor, talking to himself and glaring intensely at him.

He waited a few moments for Ian to answer but apparently his little brother's brain didn't work that day.

"Okay… I'm just going to pretend I didn't see anything" The blond muttered confused and followed his path upstairs.

…

Once the specimen was out of sight, the camera moved to the fearless conductor's face. "We barely made it alive pals, well done" He grinned doing a small salute to his audience with two fingers in his forehead. "If you ever face a life-threatening situation like that one, remember to make strong eye contact to stablish dominance"

"Now on with the explanation, that was the great Spensaurus, also known as friendlyfishmanae, it possesses incredible strength and can be deathly when pissed off. As his names suggests, he is quite friendly and likes water. He is basically a big scary-looking Teddy Bear" The camera turned back to the hallway, and with great skills, after surviving his first encounter with these animals, Mr. McFearless, as sly as a fresh cucumber, crawled his way to the living room where his next specimen was.

…

Please R&R! Who's going to be Ian's next victim? ;)


	2. Chapter 2

It took me forever to come up with decent dinosaur names xD Here's chapter two! ENJOY!

 **I do not own Bayblade ):**

The image moved wildly along with Ian for a few minutes while he made his way to the living room. Once he settled behind the couch, he turned the camera around to record his face.

"This place is called the bipolar tent, named after the creature that usually claims it as its territory" He whispered glancing to the sides paranoidly every few seconds.

"The bipolar tent is a fairly dangerous open location. It's what I call their 'socializing spot', they usually come here to interact or eat"

"Now, if we could only be lucky enough to find the beast at this hour of the day…" The camera shuffled with movement as Ian peeked through the other side of the couch.

"Bingo!" The adventurer was heard through the unfocused image, and as on cue, the camera was pointed to the other side of the living room, where a young creature of two toned blue hair was sleeping peacefully with a book plain on his face, his chest rising and falling rhythmically.

"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the mythical K-rodactyl, a solitary animal who often changes its habitat when its instinct calls, you see, he's originally from the Russian tundra, but he's known to spend a great amount of time in the mountains of Japan"

Ian zoomed in the book on the specimen's face, which had the title "How to piss off your grandfather" written on bold letters.

"What you see there is no ordinary non-animate object," He explained cautiously "that, dear audience, is actually its _spawn_ "

He waited a few second for dramatic purposes.

"To all the skeptical out there, yes, its spawn. The K-rodactyl hatches one or two book-like eggs _per week_ " He focused the camera on the table next to the creature, where some 6 books could be seen in a pile. "They're everywhere!"

To honor his name, Mr. McFearless, as brave he was, tried to get closer to one of the eggs crawling through the living room and avoiding several obstacles: wireless gaming controllers, a table, some chairs, and an empty bag of chips.

He made it near the table next to the creature, and as he slowly stretched his hand to grab the egg-book-thing, a loud noise was heard in the kitchen, making the K-rodactyl to snore suddenly starting Ian who let camera fall and hid behind the couch as fast as he could, all while cursing at the same time.

The camera filmed the creature readjusting in his sleep and turning around making the book fall from his face to the ground.

A couple of minutes later, the adventurer grabbed the camera again after making sure the K-rodactyl wasn't going to attack him and crawled his way out of the living room for safety reasons.

Once Ian was in the security of the hallway, he turned the camera around to film his face "Holy fuck guys, that was a close call, better get out of here and find out what caused that noise" He turned to the kitchen and raised his eyebrows. "Who knows, we might even find the infamous Tal-Rex or the terrible Brylociraptor"

…

Please review?


	3. Chapter 3

… After almost two years of inactivuty, here I am again! Please enjoy :)

 **I do not own Bayblade ):**

The camera was moving unsteadily, making short stops every now and then as the courageous Mr. McFearless crawled his way to the kitchen.

The noise was getting louder and louder and indistinct angry voices could be heard now through the closed door.

"Do you hear that?" He asked when he arrived to the half wooden, half cristal kitchen door, turning the camera to his face once again. "We are very lucky today pals, it seems that a fight is about to ensue, we might be able to witness first hand the interaction between the two most vicious creatures on earth: the Tal-Rex and the Brylociraptor. A battle of Titans, without a doubt."

Ian frowned at the door after a particularly loud crash and hesitated for a couple of seconds. "Either that or they're in the middle of a mating ritual." He snorted to himself. "I guess we'll find out soon!"

The camera moved as Mr. McFearless turned it up to the window of the kitchen door, recording the scene. Two men could be seen in the middle of the kitchen through the window, both visibly exasperated as they shouted to each other. Their voices could be heard but since the door was closed, the camera didn't pick up what they were saying.

"Anyways, as I was saying, the sly and sneaky Tal-Rex and the violent and explosive Brylociraptor are the two most fickle and unstable creatures out there, their temperament can fire up in a matter of _seconds;_ and let me assure you that all hell breaks loose whenever that happens."

He proceeded to focus the camera on the man with fiery red hair and piercing ice blue eyes.

"First, we have the Tal-Rex, which possesses an incredible sense of wittiness, placing it higher up on the food chain. It can also lead other creatures such as the Friendlyfishmanae or even the Paporaptor…" He made a small pause and added "And just so you know, the Paporaptor is _waaaay_ cooler than any of the remaining species."

The camera switched to the second man on the room, currently glaring with clear grey greenish eyes to his counterpart, he was taller and more threatening looking than the first.

"And finally, we have the Brylociraptor, which, even though it might seem all muscle no brains, it's pretty damn clever. It attacks by instinct, not by orders. It hunts down its victim with an outstanding accuracy, and it goes for the kill without hesitation. Of course, there's a downside of being a bit too detached from the pack: it usually ends up getting on the nerves of the Tal-Rex and K-rodactyl, as it appears to be the case now."

Suddenly, the adventurer turned the camera to the door once again, and with his free hand, proceeded to carefully turn the door knob.

"Enough explanation, we need action! Now, let's carefully assess the situation, shall we?" He whispered.

As soon as the door opened, a string of curses was heard.

"Just admit it already, dammit! You fucking stole my slice of apple pie, didn't you?

"For the last fucking time, Tala, I didn't! Do you think I'd stupid enough to eat your damn apple pie and stay on the crime scene while you're actually inside the house?!"

"Then please enlighten me, why the fuck do you have a knife in your hand then? "

"Tala, when do I _not_ have a knife in my hand?"

"That is not the point Bryan, for God's sake."

"Listen, I did eat my apple pie slice earlier, but-"

"So you admit it then!"

"I know you're stupid Red, but are you deaf too?! I said I ate MY slice of apple pie, not yours!"

Mr. McFearless quickly hid behind the corner of the counter, carefully poking his face out enough to film the scene.

"To all brave men and women watching, let me interpret this primitive behavior for you. It may seem they are fighting for food, but they're actually fighting for the hegemony of the pack. You see, having control over food is what stablishes the hierarchy between these-."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SCHIZOPHRENIC?!"

"Why don't you ask the little people in your head?! Maybe _they_ stole your-"

 _*CRASH!*_

" _Stop fucking throwing cutlery at me_ , are you crazy? Do you want Spencer to kill us both?!"

Ian ducked behind the counter and pointed the camera at his concerned face.

"Okay guys, it's time to let nature take its course, the battle will begin at any second now and I'm sure as fuck I don't want to be seen he-"

 _*Riiiing, riiiing…*_

Ian's face visibly paled as his cellphone started ringing.

"Did you hear that?"

 _*Riiiing, riiiing…*_

Apple pie now forgotten, both quarreling boys walked to the source of the sound behind the counter where they found a frozen and very pale Ian.

"Would you care to explain why are you hiding behind the counter, shrimp?" Tala demanded, annoyed.

"Uhhh… …I …was hungry? He… hehe…" The Snake replied meekly laughing nervously.

"What's that you're holding?" The Falcon asked, now suspicious.

Tala lightly gasped as he saw the camera tightly clutched to Ian's chest.

"Is this some kind of sick game of yours?!" He said forcefully snatching it from his hands.

"Wait! I- I can explain-"

"Let me get this straight, you were filming us so you could blackmail us later like you did last time with Bryan, isn't it?"

"No, no! I swea-"

"That ducky pajama footage was never supposed to see the light, shrimp!" Bryan snapped angrily taking a threatening step forward.

"Look guys, I swear I didn't do it this-"

"Why were you filming then?!"

"Oh I know, he ate your apple pie slice and now he's enjoying watching us fight each other over it, ain't you!?"

"That's not it guys! It- it was-… a science project"

" _HA!_ **A** **Science Project**?!" The redhead laughed unbelievingly.

" _Oi! Stop fucking yelling you lot! Don't make me go there and shut you up by force!"_ A sleepy but annoyed fourth voice was heard from somewhere around the living room.

"Try it and I'll break both your arms, Hiwatari!"

" _This is the last warning Kuznetsov, there won't be a second one."_

"No Bry, he's not the enemy." Tala stopped him before he yelled back something incredibly rude. "Shrimp, as we're feeling generous right now, we'll give you 10 seconds to run for your life. …one …two"

"Bu- bu- but- It was a science project I swear!"

"… _NINE_ "

And that was the last time someone heard from Mr. McFearless, the only adventurer brave and reckless enough to stupidly document the life of the Blitzkrieg boys on their natural habitat.

…

A couple of hours later, the camera was still recording the kitchen floor when it was suddenly lifted up by a blond man.

"Why is this on the kitchen floor…?" Spencer asked himself narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

He got out to the living room and saw Kai putting his coat on, ready to leave the house.

"Hey Kai, why was Ian's camera on the kitchen floor?"

"Hn. Why should I know?"

"Now that I think about it… Where are the two Satan's spawns? The house is too quiet for my liking" He asked ignoring his brother's unhelpful answer.

"I believe they were on their way to tie Ian to a light pole near the Red Square an hour ago"

"…why? It's snowing."

"He ate Tala's last slice of apple pie" Kai shrugged unbothered.

"Oh." The blond replied solemnly.

"…Spence."

"Yes?"

"Spence, you ate the last slice, didn't you?"

"…I'll get the car keys"

…

Aw yas! This story was finally finished thanks to the motivation of **CRWoodferns** and **chibiTALA** , who kicked my procrastinating ass to complete it. Thank you very much guys :')

Please let me know what you thought of it in a small review, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Oh and _yes_ , Paporaptor is Ian's creative name for himself.

Until next time!


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